i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Randomize
