FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
