a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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