So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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