The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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