I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize