i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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