It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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