matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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