So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
