I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
