Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize