sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
