Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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