Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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