she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize