I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
