We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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