Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
