she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
