She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
