I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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