Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
