My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
