looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Oh god it's open bar.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
