Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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