This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
