Just fell off a train. Bad.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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