Just cropdusted the office
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
