fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize