I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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