i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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