i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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