I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
