Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
