Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Even my vagina gasped.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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