I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You don't make any sense
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