I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
