I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i dont even know how to be here
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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