Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
