he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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