listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize