she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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