we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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