its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize