I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
