I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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