i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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