You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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