I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
