I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize