You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
