dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
