Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize