Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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