I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
