Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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