HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
