At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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