i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
