Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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