hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
