I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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