Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
