you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
