I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
