I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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