So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
