You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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