Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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