My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
