I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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