You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
