yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
