White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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