so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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