If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
