I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
