The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
