tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
